Missing and yet FOUND

Oct 20, 2019 | Personal

I have been missing from here since May. That is when life happened.

Adam’s father, Greg passed away on May 6th and life became very different. We were on vacation in the Outer Banks for our friend, Ed and Stephanie’s wedding when we got the call to come home. Adam drove over 16 hours white-knuckled through the mountains, in the rain, through construction and we made it back in time for his father’s passing. It was a blur. His father had been diagnosed with esophagus cancer and his treatment had made him so weak that he just couldn’t beat it. He was 60. He left behind four children and a wife. Looking back, I find it a blessing that we purchased a new hard-sided camper in January seeing that we ended up living in it in their driveway for over a month. May and June were all about surviving and making sure things in Tecumseh stayed afloat. There is so much I want to say but I save that for therapy. ;] I will say I am thankful for my strong husband and that life for us has now settled (for the most part). Adam’s step-mother, Laura has Alzheimer’s and we have got her settled into a nice memory care housing 7 minutes from us. His brothers are settled and off living their lives. We have been dealing with all the after “drama” since Greg’s death like getting their house emptied, cleaned and in selling shape. Through all of this Adam and I have become stronger. I love him and I care so much for him…I wish I could make his pain go away. He is way stronger than I ever imagined.

When all of this was happening I found out some news in regards to my father and since we haven’t seen or really spoken to each other since. It has been unbelievably hard and again, I have so much I want to say but…I will save it for therapy. As a daddy’s girl, I just hate it. Life in 2019 has been so rough and I am so happy it will soon be over.

Around father’s day, we found out Adam’s Grandpa had lung cancer and this week he passed away after some complications. We are all still in disbelief. Blow after blow and so many more I haven’t mentioned.

In May a few days after Greg’s passing I got my new diagnosis and I blogged about it. People I see keep asking me how I feel…..I feel wonderful health-wise. I choose to go on supplements instead of the suggested steroids or immunosuppressants. I didn’t want the chance of cancer or easily catching a sickness, being moody….or just feeling like crap. I have been on my supplements since July and haven’t had any issues. No numbness, hearing issues or blindness. Something wonderful. Thank goodness.

Thanks to therapy, family, and friends we have survived. Our circle has become very tight. I am thankful for all of them. At the beginning of the year, I was taking some time off to focus on my health (medical appointments, tests, my usual numbness, and so on). Then Greg passed away and I had to put myself on hold. I have been taking Inner Circle Family (ICFamily) sessions and all of my booked weddings but not booking anything else. I just didn’t have the time. In past years I book my calendar super full and this year has taught me that life is too short. Being busy for the sake of being busy just isn’t living life. I didn’t have the drive to focus on my work when my personal life just seemed to be falling apart. My ICFamily understood. I am so thankful.

I heard a quote the other day in a podcast, “If you keep waiting for life’s circumstance to change, you will be waiting forever. You are the only one who can change. Start now.” I was journaling that day and it made me write this, “I want more. I do not want to put myself on hold anymore. I don’t want to book 20+ weddings a year. I want to take the weddings that I know are a good fit. No number in mind. I want to travel and live life. I want to be a more organized person. I want to laugh. I want to make memories and document them. I want to stop watching so much TV while I edit. I want to read again. I want a library card. I want to vlog again. I want to find time again to cook dinner. I want to visit friends. I want to love Adam more deeply. I want to enjoy hosting again. I want to be grateful for life and I want to pass it on. I want to give back, like Meals on Wheels. I want to not feel bad or drained when visiting Laura. I want to know that I am a good daughter-in-law and not feel bad. I want to better my relationship with my mother. I want to enjoy her and be thankful for her again. I’m ready for a new (to me) car. I want less stress. I want to be more open. I want to get back to my weekly check-ups with Ali and Jamie. I want to enjoy my job again. I want to not worry about money. I want to find happiness again. What makes me happy? How can I change it? How can I change any of this? I don’t know just yet, I just know I have to start.”  It was perfect timing for me to hear that quote. See, it was my second time listening to that podcast episode and it finally wanted me to hear it. So now to act on it. Watch me.

I feel like that is all of my life updates. 2020 I will be taking on more weddings and sessions. So if I missed you this year and you would like to book please let me know! hello@innercirclephotography.com

Tomorrow I celebrate 11 years FULL TIME. Sixteen years as a photographer in total but for me, the 11 years as a full-time photographer is what I am most proud of. Thank you. A big thank you to Adam for always supporting me.

Anywooooo, I will be working at Somerset Monday’s and Tuesday’s with Santa’s crew….come see me starting November 18th!

I hope your 2019 has been so much better and if not just know I feel you and I am sorry!!! We can and WILL make it through.

Much love, Miranda